stardustcboy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WARNING: ANOTHER RANT hmmm...i'm getting a lot of feedback on the whole "Fuck Vegans, Cannibalism is the NEW DIET" entry from a few days ago. overall the reaction has been much more positive than i had anticipated. most people seem to agree. *shrugs* the overall points of that rant were that diet fads are dumb, eating and morality make strange bedfellows, american body-image icons are making us all neurotic, and people need to keep their public-service-announcements to themselves. that's really about it. i don't hate vegans at all, i think eating fresh vegatables and such IS probably pretty good for you; but i don't think that it automatically puts you on the moral/ethical/medical high-ground...that's just plain silly. anyway, what brought be on was a lil note from a new reader! i always LOVE having new readers! so i'd like to take the time and thank tuestfou (roughly translated it means "you're crazy") for comin' by and sayin' howdy. here's what she said... just browsing, and "fuck vegans" caught my eye. i didn't read the whole damn thing, but whatever. i pretty much agree with you about vegans being dumb. if they want to do that, then whatever. i'm not going to bitch at them (too much). but when they start saying eating meat is bad, that's when i get into it. i'm not going to say being a vegan is wrong, and they're not going to tell me eating meat is sinful. and then you got into stuff about how females need to realize that curves are attractive. i'm assuming you're a male, and this all might seem retarded to you. whatever. just keep in mind that girls with eating disorders can't just stop. it's not that easy at all. many of them do want to be healthy, but they sometimes are not capable of eating the right amounts of food (and keeping it down). so i might advise you to have a little bit of campashion in that area. it's not as easy as it sounds to let yourself have a few pounds. i'd like to let it be known that i lived with, loved, and nearly married a recovering anorexic when i was 19-20 years old. being with her taught me a great deal about eating disorders, not just from information she supplied; but also from observation alone. one thing that stands out to me above all else is... anorexics and bulemics are, like drug addicts, anorexic/bulemic for the rest of their life. it's an ongoing battle. once they take that step, it's one helluva process to return again...one that will span the remainder of their lives. the girl i lived with still fought that battle every day of her life. every morning when she woke up she would weigh herself, every night when she went to bed she would weigh herself, every time she passed a scale she would weigh herself. her entire frame of mind and sense of satisfaction hinged one what that scale said. if she was just 2 or 3 pounds over, she was depressed. if she was her "ideal" she was manic and energetic. it was a roller-coaster that eventually drove me crazy, and further, drove me from her life completely. i just couldn't hang with it, because in the end...i just don't get it. i have a great deal of compassion for people with any sort of disease. i feel for them. i only wish there was a way for them to feel better. but in the case of eating disorders...well...i know this will sound callous and evil but... i just don't. to me someone with an eating disorder is weak. in their mind they THINK they are strong...that they have CONTROL. by altering their eating habits, binging and purging, they manage to create the illusion of order in their otherwise chaotic and out-of-control lives. it's pathetic. it's probably the most self-absorbed, self-servicing sort of neurosis. a REVERSE vanity if you will, whereby the patient doesn't not GLORIFY themselves and believe themselves GREATER than others...but conversely LOATHES themselves, focuses CONSTANTLY on every little flaw, every little mistake; and can't for the life of them take and appreciate the little things that god gave them...like food. i know that eating disorders have nothing to do with weight or dieting...that they have everything to do with control. to me this is rediculous. to think that there are people in the world who WISH they had that sort of focus and concentration. obese people who have a hard time NOT eating would pay dearly for even a FRACTION of the will that it takes to NOT EAT ANYTHING. it's all a result of our retarded society. it is a symptom of pop-culture and media force-feeding us filth and shit and lies to the point where we just fuck ourselves to try and fit into these insane and unattainable ideals. there are people in the world who DON'T have that choice. people who are on the edge of starvation. OH WHAT A FUCKING LUXURY IT MUST BE!!! to be able to whine and bitch and moan and piss about how much we eat or don't eat or whatever. it's fucking retarded so get over yourself. get used to the idea that shitty things happen. that control is an illusion. that chaos reigns supreme in the outer voids of space/time. get used to the idea that happiness is something that only happens so often...that LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD it is impermanent and only lasts a brief period before it is gone. at no time after i was born do i remember getting handed a contract by God stating "From this point forward my life will be easy, from this point forward life will be full of roses and cinnamon buns and feasts, and fuzzy bunnies and fortune and luxury." NO WHERE did i get one of these. thus, i just sort of assumed that life will have its trials and tribulations. that you'll meet people who treat you like shit and piss on your parade. i also assumed that sometimes THINGS JUST DON'T WORK OUT THE WAY YOU PLANNED THEM. that life has its own plans, that there are too many factors in any given situation that would allow you to plan your life EXACTLY from point A to point B. i must be stupid or something...that or i must of missed the deadline. hearing people bitch and whine about this sort of thing pisses me off. it pisses me off because there are others in the world who don't even get that chance...and here they are fucking pining away over some rediculous idea...COMPLETELY absorbed in their own lil "oh-woah-is-me" little world. DEAL WITH IT. life ain't easy, but that's also the fun! jesus! i feel like i'm taking crazy pills! what is any game without challenge? without reward? it's fucking redundant if everything is easy and reward just happens. that's just how it works for fuck's sake. so sitting around starving yourself, or cutting yourself, or any of that isn't doing a damn thing and it SOLVES NOTHING. all that energy wasted HATING yourself could be focused into more useful and creative endeavors. try painting...try sculpting...writing, building shit, fixing cars, helping children with cancer or any other myriad of things that help PROGRESS the human race. don't just sit there wallowing in your own fetid pile of shitty self-loathing. it's FUCKING SELFISH AND SELF-CENTERED. period. you can argue all you want about how life gave you the shitty end of the stick, you can give excuse after excuse as to why you're fucked up the way you are...but it'll only be just that to me... a lame excuse. i've known people who've been in the center of the shit storm and walked away from it. sure they have their scars...but they're the strongest people i know. they don't sit around a mope and bitch that life threw them a shit storm and thus GOD OWES THEM SOMETHING. fuck that. they walk on their own two feet...THAT'S what God gave them. two fucking feet to stand up after falling down. it's time for people to toughen up. constantly bitching about your plight in life serves no purpose but to annoy people and/or get you sympathy to build you up and make you feel better. well guess what, when there's no one around to attend your pity-parties, who's gonna' give it to you then? NO ONE. you gotta' learn to fuckin' make something of yourself and be strong on your own. that fucking hole in your chest isn't going to go away no matter how much you bitch, moan, starve, cut, beat, hate yourself into oblivion. even when you're DYING that shit will still haunt your ass...every little thing will be a demon that tears you apart. LET GO. LET GO. LET GO. how many fucking times do i have to say it? letting go isn't about killing yourself...it's not about drowning out your pain...it's about FACING it. it's about DEALING with things that hurt and then putting them down on the ground where you picked them up. it's about letting go of the things that scare you, laughing in the face of the devil and the government and all those fuckers that tell you that you CAN'T do the things you dream. fuck that noise. YOU HAVE POWER...more power than you know. use it. but for crying out loud use it to the BENEFIT of yourself and all of mankind. it makes the world better. if you've got psychological problems and there are things you're trying to reconcile...then fucking stand up and do it, fight it, tear yourself apart and rebuild yourself in YOUR image...but for the love of God don't just wuss out. be strong, be a fighter. BE A SHINING EXAMPLE TO OTHERS WHO SHARE YOUR PAIN. BE THAT PERSON THAT OTHERS LOOK UP TO TO AID THEM IN THEIR FIGHT. open yourself and allow the light of the cosmos to shine in and chase out all the cobwebs. i promise it will hurt at first, but sometimes pain is good...sometimes pain cleanses us of impurity and weakness. let it. use the energy to reshape your life as YOU SEE IT. to make yourself THE WAY YOU WANT. people suffer and life sucks, but people also rejoice and life goes on. deal. take it all in. stand up and shake your fists at the sky and shout... "i'm ready for what you got baby!! bring it on!! i will not live in fear ANYMORE!!" then put your favorite song in the fuckin' jukebox and stomp your feet and dance like you want to shake the heavens and rattle the earth to its foundation. don't repress things. let them out. someone pisses you off, then you tell 'em. someone makes you sad, then you tell 'em. don't let it just stew and fester in your gut for ever til the end of time. and i don't care WHO it is...it could be your priest, your congressman, your president, your dad, your mom. REALIZE THAT THEY ARE ALL HUMAN TOO. just as fallible as you are, and in no fucking way any more the wiser than anyone else. YOUR LIFE IS YOUR OWN. it is NOT under the jurisdiction of anyone BUT YOU. fucking take some responsibility for it. fucking BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS. you mess up? fucking admit it. you hurt someone's feelings? fucking say you're sorry goddamit. you love someone? then tell them you love them. if they can't handle that then they're blind. communicate. communicate. communicate! say what's on your mind. feel what you say. say what you feel! scream at the top of your lungs if you have to. but don't EVER let anyone tell you you have no right to feel what you feel. it's okay to feel. it's okay to hurt. none of it lasts forever my loves! the more you fight the more it fights you! so quit pissing and moaning AND FUCKING DO SOMETHING! focus your energies into actions that create POSITIVE results in your life and the world around you. that's the point of my story kiddies. i'm impressed by those who can control their appetite to the point where they are nearly dead; BUT i'm even MORE SADDENED BY IT. simply because all that energy could be used towards something even greater; and it seems so selfish that they would choose to focus it in that manner instead! in the end i just shake my head. i can't change anyones mind just as much as i can take away their pain. i'm not jesus dammit. but i feel for us all. i feel for everyone on earth, and i wish to the core of me that i could just touch people on the forehead and bring them infinite and profound insight...understanding so deep that they need never want again... but i'm just brian dammit! i can't save everyone. ya'll need to learn to save yourselves! on top of that, WE ALL NEED TO LEARN TO HELP EACH OTHER OUT instead of bitch about how bad we've got it. i garauntee you that someone somewhere has got it about four million times as bad as you. so instead of pissing over what we don't have, let's all appreciate what we DO have. don't feel like you have anything? look in the mirror, you got yourself baby, and that's one helluva good fucking start. now all you need to do is reach out with an open heart and learn to accept people into your life as they are. not as what you THINK they should be. not as what society SAYS they should be...but AS THEY ARE...FLAWS AND DEFECTS AND ALL. i'm tired. my heart hurts. i've worked myself into a tizzy... you know what? i'm going to just tell you a story...about someone i know. maybe...maybe it'll shed a little light...maybe...just maybe it might prove to be insightful... maybe... ~B-) 3:54 p.m. - 2004-08-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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