stardustcboy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Let go ah my loves. friday at last. *sigh of relief* i wanted to write something tonight, but honestly i'm really not certain what...so perhaps i shall just let my mind wander a bit...let my fingers dance upon the keyboard...and see what happens. lately i've been clicking on random diaries. either through ad banners or through the various rings i run/belong to. i am left...in awe. in my heart i hold a great love of humanity, even when we're shitty to ourselves and each other. there are days when i just shake my head and throw my hands into the air and shout "what the hell?!? god, if you're listening, just wipe us out...PLEASE?" but then just as i do so, something catches my eye and my faith in mankind is restored again. i've read several diaries in the past few days, just random ones. i don't think i'll link them, simply because...well...you all need to get out and explore too. ;-) i read the diary of an anorexic. i read the diary of a 15 year old goth boy. i read the diary of a swinger. i read the diary of a bipolar highschool girl. at first i felt a deep sorrow. for it just seems to me that there is a great sadness in the world. that we are becoming more and more detached from our own humanity, and thus more and more detached from ourselves and those around us. i see lives filled with pain and torment, bitterness and despair, sadness and disillusionment and i wonder if there is any hope at all. but then, looking past the abusive siblings and parents, past the self-indulgent cycles of self-mutilation and starvation, beyond the self-destructive tendancies...and i see it. i see something utterly beautiful... the will to survive. and the need to feel accepted and loved. you see, despite the hardships, the people i read still struggled on. despite being surrounded by hardship and turmoil, they still reach out...through digital space...in search of meaning, in search of love, in search of happiness, in search of contentedness...in search of SOMETHING...SOMETHING outside their lives. it is all we really are my loves. the truth of the matter is that life is pointless without the seeking. it is the search for meaning that gives it meaning. if all the answers were clear it would lose all significance and nothing would change, nothing would grow, nothing would die. we live in a world that is inherintly cruel...but the sad truth my dears is...we make it as such. nature and the cosmos are not evil, they are not out to get you, they are not malign in their purpose or intention. the lion does not kill out of spite or cruelty, it kills out of hunger. therein lies its purpose. the storm does not rage because it seeks to destroy the towers of mankind, the rains that fall nurture the earth. therein lies its purpose. ALL THINGS HAVE A PURPOSE. make this your mantra. meditate upon it. remember it every time you poise in judgement upon someone or something. for it is one of the simple truths of the cosmos. not one thing exists that does not have meaning to something else. even the smallest of things have their part in the greater scheme. the fly on the wall is not a pestilence, its children dissolve the decaying matter back into the soil. therein lies its purpose. this extends to all of us as human beings. no one in this world is irrelevant, no one in this world is outside the system. we share a common thread with one another. what you do, what we do affects the world and affects others. sometimes the results are small, sometimes the results can change thousands of lives. i don't have to list examples of this my loves. the world we have built makes us short-sighted. it takes from us the sense of intuition. it makes us self-serving, selfish and gratuitous. we must all learn to let go of this. we must all learn to appreciate each other for our place in this world, and not pass judgement on those we feel are outside our realms of thinking or beneath our level in society. to dismiss another is to caste them away from the community of mankind. the outcast has nothing, no one. the outcast learns to fend for themselves in whatever way they can. without friendship or comraderie they become reclusive and hateful. in their isolation they forget the value of another person. they are angry and desperate. i don't have to tell you that one angry desperate soul can take the lives of many. you see it in the news every day. one desperate and angry person taking the life or lives of several people. we create our own monsters my loves. by turning our back on our brothers and sisters we cheat ourselves. many of us would wonder why we are so lonely. is not loneliness a prison we create from our own judgements and fears? do we not seperate ourselves from others because we believe ourselves better, or conversely, fear that we are inadequate? society breeds this into us. we are told a thousand times a day what we should be, what we should look like, how we should feel, and what happiness is. we fruitlessly try to live up to this delusion. we are becoming neurotic. the lies eat away at us. they make us hurt ourselves and each other. we are imploding. mankind is not meant to be segregated into groups. haves and have-nots. liberals and conservatives. japanese and chinese. black and white. good and bad. better and less-than. wrong and right. us and them. there is no us and them. there is only us and our fears. fear that we do not fit. fear that we are not good enough. fear that tomorrow we will die. fear that tomorrow our loved ones will die. fear that no one will love us. fear that everyone hates us. fear that we will be hurt. fear is an illusion. it is merely the misunderstanding of something unknown. if we fear we do not fit, it is because we merely misunderstand what it is to be unique. if we fear that we are not good enough, then it is merely a misunderstanding of what lessons can be learned in failing. if we fear that tomorrow we will die or tomorrow our loved ones will die, it is merely a misunderstanding of what it is to be human. if we fear that no one loves us, it is merely a misunderstanding of the love for ourselves. if we fear that everyone hates us, it is a misunderstanding of love. if we fear that we will be hurt, it is a misunderstanding of the impermanence of pain. wounds may leave scars, but pain does not last. even emotional pain leaves its mark, but the pain only lasts as long as you carry it. there is a tempering and purifying that comes with pain. and no pain is singular. what you feel has been felt and will be felt. you are not alone in your hurt. you are never alone. the world has 7 billion people living on it...somewhere...there is someone for you. somewhere there is someone who can understand you. we have to learn that life is not simple. it is much more difficult to survive than it is to die. death awaits us at all times my loves; and when you seek it, it isn't very hard to find. but LIVING is. letting go of the past is. healing is. CHANGING is. but all of this is not to be feared. for remember, fear is but a misunderstanding of the unknown. society preaches to us convenience. society preaches to us instant gratification. these are lies we must learn to let go of. happiness is the result of hard work and toil. it is the reward of a job well done and a life well lived despite the hardship and the folly and the pain. but again, it is the seeking that gives it all meaning. i want you all to read this. for she is a truly wondrous spirit. i also want you all to step outside for a while and to talk to people. meet someone new. accept them into your life. there is the possibility of friendship in everyone around you. you just have to look beyond the bullshit and suspend judgement. open yourselves to the wonder, irony, humor, and beauty of humankind. laugh out loud. don't let anyone tell you what is best for you. don't believe in the television. believe in yourself. believe in others. have faith my loves. every day you awake to a new dawn is another day to make a positive impact. learn to reach for what you want. happiness is the fruit upon the branches of life, if you wait for the fruit to drop to you, it is rotten and worm-eaten. you must learn to find the strength to climb life's branches, and pluck the fruit for yourself. and if ever you feel alone, know that i am reading you. in my heart you have an audience. much love to you all, have a great night and a great weekend. my heart is full. ~B-)
8:15 p.m. - 2004-08-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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