stardustcboy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ...This was SUPPOSED to be an erotic entry...but it's not... ah me...i know i know...i've been promising a sexy entry for some time now; but every time i sit down to pen one i just sort of stare blankly at the screen...cursor flashing...blink, blink, blink... i guess i'm just not really erotically inspired as of late. strange coming from the guy who's sex drive is nearly inhuman. i'm not really sure why there seems to be a lag in my libidinal creativity as of late, so to you, my dear readers, i apologize. i was just looking through chickpea's notes and i saw some of the readership's guesses for the "Guess That Cock Game II"...it's funny to see who i was matched with. lol...they're ALL wrong so far. >:-) so i sent my guesses in...it's not easy. there's absolutely no frame of reference save for my own penis. deductive reasoning then leads me to guess the two celebrity cocks, and then? i have no clue...i just sort of rolled with it. so i probably failed miserably, but at least i can still tell my own penis from everyone else. my friend kevin is still draggin' ass on getting the BurningMan pictures to me. he's such a lazy bum sometimes. getting him to the post office is like pullin' teeth man. so again, to you my dear readers, i apologize. *sigh* i'm seriously slackin' here. i gotta' pick up the original...pick up the pace! i just lack the energy. we've been invited to a lil pre-halloween soiree on sunday by our new lifestyle friends, mr. and mrs. Dick. i really would like to get out and see them, as i've said before i have the biggest crush on mr. Dick...mmmm! he's hellah cute! alas, JeLLy is less than uninterested in going it seems. i don't know why. i go around and around with this in my head. she still has a huge amount of ambivilance in regards to the whole lifestyle thing i think. so in the end i feel like the shitty partner who's trying to push his mate into the whole thing. it's like...we'll hang out with people, have a really good time, and then like overnight it's 180 degree city. then she doesn't want to have anything to do with them. so i'm left puzzling, and moreover, i'm left with the oh-so-fantastic-and-enjoyable task of trying to put them off because JeLLy's suddenly got cold feet or whatever. it just seems to me that she talks the talk, but then when it comes to walking she turns and heads the other way. at first i thought that it was because she's not really into the whole "full-swap" thing. which is fine by me, and i think it would be fine by all involved; but now it just seems like she's not into the idea as a whole. she keeps waxing and waning and it's really starting to confuse me. she says she in it for the girls primarily; but really doesn't take any sort of proactive role in determining, seeking, or contacting any viable females. so in the end i'm left feeling like i'm all alone on this whole deal. she doesn't check the sites, i do. she doesn't write the e-mails, i do. she doesn't make the phone calls, i do. she doesn't set up the plans, i do. i'm getting really weary of having to do it all myself. i feel like i've got no support on the whole thing. and again, i'm left feeling like i'm the only one that's really into this whole idea and she's just sort of humoring me hoping that if she drags her feet long enough, and stays in indecision, that i'll just give up on it...and in all honesty, i'm really starting to. the last thing i want is to be "that guy" and every time we flake out on people, every time we don't answer an e-mail, every time she does the 180 reverse i feel that that is what it makes ME look like. "that guy" who is trying to MAKE his wife do the whole lifestyle thing. so yeah, i'm a bit disillusioned on the whole deal; but i really wish that she would just come out and say that she doesn't want to do it anymore instead of just humoring me or whatever. either that, or i wish she'd become a little bit more active and supportive in our searches and meetings and such. like i'm totally happy that we've met these two couples. mr. and mrs. Dick are awesome, mr. and mrs. 69 are awesome, i really, really like them; and in all honesty i'd be more than happy to just leave it at that. they're everything that i felt we were looking for in a couple sort of situation...both partners are bi, they're close to our age overall, they're very close to us geographically, they have a lot in common with us, they're incredibly attractive, and most importantly they're laid back, easy-going, relaxed, fun, no-pressure type of people. so what's the deal i ask? these two couples present the perfect opportunity to play and have a good time of it all. why the total ambivilance? why the waxing and waning? stop humoring me already and come out and say it. if you don't want to do this then godammit tell me! i love my JeLLy, and if she didn't want to do this then i'd let it all go for her. that's quite a statement coming from your dear narrator...it's even hard for me to hear. but i'd do it if she so desired. i dunno, i'm trying to examine MY expectations (there's that word again). do i have any really? what was i expecting of the lifestyle in relation to us? going back, i definitely felt that it was important to have a mate who could participate in and enjoy the lifestyle overall. maybe that's one expectation i should let go of? in the end, JeLLy's got a lot on her mind. work, wedding, etc....i think that perhaps all of this lifestyle stuff sort of sits at the very bottom of her list of things "to do". whereas, i'm totally happy with my job, have little to no stress in the day-to-day, am pretty easy-going as to the wedding plans (i provide the budget), and generally find myself with a lot of "mental free time". *sigh* anyway, whatever, we have a thousand years together so i'm really not all that worried about it (though we ain't gettin' any younger). not only that, but we're goin' out on the town for halloween! we got VIP tables at the Trashy Lingerie Halloween Costume Ball, starring the one-and-only MAISUMI MAX!! wooHOO!! now that's gonna' be a good time for sure...now all i have to do is whip up a good costume! JeLLy's going to be sexy Ms. Muffet...and i thought it would be cool to be the "spider who sat down beside her!" hehehe! so that's about it out my way, wish i could have had a steamy sex romp for you all my dear readers, that or some pics from our adventures at BurningMan...again i apologize, and if you decided to never read me again i understand. i'm boring as shit as of late. BUT i'd like to point out to you all that this is my 203rd ENTRY!! *que trumpeting fanfare* i'll work double hard to crank out some sexy stories for everyone to wack-off to. until then be good! licksucklicksuckfuck 11:17 a.m. - 2004-10-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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