stardustcboy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The dragon sleeps again... aaaah, it is as though a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. *sigh* and to sweeten the deal even further, it is FRIDAY AT LAST!!! i must say that this has been a very long and grueling week. the OpiumFine Incident is now over and done and we can resume our regularly scheduled program. DocLondon came in last night, and not a minute too soon. the thread of friendship with OpiumFine was unraveling and we didn't get out to the airport until 9pm...as fate would have it, he had JUST got out of customs and had JUST stepped out into the warm cali evening. perfectly timed really. it's amazing to me sometimes, how oblivious and self-centered people can be. lost in their own lil woe-is-me world they can never see the forest for the trees. we all have our ways of coping, and we all have developed methods of survival. those who are well adapted fight the good fight and struggle on to build a better world and future for themselves. those that aren't become tragic and empty parasites, feeding off the good graces and generosity of others...until they've run the wells of compassion and friendship dry and they are left alone and, even more sadly, COMPLETELY CLUELESS AS TO HOW THEY ENDED UP THE WAY THEY DID. these people can never see beyond their own nose. they feel that the world owes them something, and they'll bitch and moan and piss forever and ever at how god gave them the shitty end of the stick, how nothing ever works out for them, how they can never cut a break, and on and on and on... to an outside observer it is easy to see that life is the way it is for them wholly and entirely because of DECISIONS THEY'VE MADE THEMSELVES. there is no other fault but their own. OpiumFine chose this path. she chose to do the things she did and still does. everything that is happening to her is because along the way she made poor decisions, and when it comes down to it is COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for those decisions. she just runs and runs and runs...simply to stand still. all the paths in her life have led her in complete circles, around and around, and there is only one path that will lead her somewhere else... that place is home. home to seattle, where her son is, where her family is. all signs point to her reconnecting with the pieces of herself that she left behind, that she still runs from...for whatever reason. maybe it's her pride, maybe it's her materialism, maybe she's just plain afraid, maybe it is all of the above and more. in the end, i believe that a new and happy life awaits her if she were to choose to return there. sure, she'd have to actually be responsible, raise her son and mend all the hurt that her decisions have caused; but all in all she will find peace and overall she can take pride in a simple life well lived. we all want to be rockstars, moviestars, tvstars or whatever...but these are materialistic ideals served to us on a platter of consumerism with a side of delusion and lies. greatness is not based on how much money you have (though they love to tell you that), it is not founded upon what job or position or title you have (though they make it sound important). it is all the positive things you do for those you love and the world around you. we think oftentimes that our lives are tiny, and that what we do is insignificant. so we strive to be these big things that everyone can see and everyone knows about. somehow we completely overlook the simple fact that just by being here the entire world changes. that each of us is part of a massive, living mathmatical formula that could not do what it does without each individual sum or multiplication or division or subtraction. all the world would change if you or i or anyone else is removed from the equation. just look at the missing girl in aruba. all her life she probably thought she was nothing, that her life made no real difference in the world. then one day she vanished and now look. hundreds, if not thousands of people move. millions watch and wait. the world changed in her absence and lives moved around, shifted, altered. her parents, her friends all now have to contemplate a life without her. the men and women searching, all of them taken from their lives to find someone... think of all the people you have met on your travels. every begger you've given money to, every friend you've made, every lover you've taken, every job you've worked...from the moment you were born to the moment you sit here reading this...then simply remove yourself from the equation. it would all be different. and like the ripples on the surface of water it would spread outward, affecting everything, altering everything. your diary here would not exist. the notes you might have left would not have reached the other person. every. little. thing. matters. never doubt that. entire stories and lives and experiences are spawned off of the simplest and most mundane and ordinary of events. your life touches everything...whether you realize it or not. so the idea of being some grand and amazing person on top of the world is redundant. those who seek power are blind to the power that we all possess inherently as human beings, as entities in this universe. the power to choose and to change, to give and love, help and to enlighten all who we meet. we all have something to share with one another, something to exchange - experiences, wisdom, information, gratitude, love, friendship. if we want to change the world then let us start changing it... one person at a time. now that OpiumFine is gone, my anger and resentment ebbs. i'm sad that she thought that she could manipulate us, live off of us, and use our generosity and friendship to her advantage. i'm sad because, to all intents and purposes, i believe that she can do better and that she is better. i'm sad that she chooses not to be. i'm sad that i will most likely never go out of my way to speak to her or interact with her again. i'm sad that she has drained my friendship to a point were there is nearly nothing left of it. i'm sad that she'll probably continue to do so; and i'm sad that her life, more than likely, will be a sad and tragic story when i retell it after she has passed. in the end it is hers. i am merely the chronicler of lives, and one day someone will chronicle mine...or...read the chronicle herein. unlike many in the world i choose to take accountability for it. it is my story... i want it to be a happy one. i'm reading you. 9:59 a.m. - 2005-06-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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