stardustcboy's Diaryland Diary
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WEEKLY PORN REVIEW: CHLOE'S BIG TIT CONQUESTS
that's right ya'll it's time once again for...
THE WEEKLY PORN REVIEW!!
today i will be reviewing...
CHLOE'S BIG TIT CONQUESTS
i actually rented this film from U-Rent-DvDs for JeLLy's viewing pleasure. she's a huge fan of (naturally) large breasted, buxom women and i figured an all girl lesbian porn starring such delectable vixens would be right up her alley.
i honestly can't figure out how to go about reviewing a film such as this. i've never seen an all girl porn before, and thus i didn't quite know what to expect; or even moreso, what unit of measure to use as to overall quality. so we popped in the DvD last week and let her rip with very little expectation.
despite, i ended up not really liking the film, in fact, i actually thought it was rather boring. if that isn't enough of a review, then the fact that JeLLy fell asleep near the end of the second scene should pretty much sum it up for you. in the end what we had was an average porn, with average looking actresses (at best), and a bit below average budget.
the film opens with Chloe, the title actress herself, dressed in a silky robe inviting the viewer to join her in her hot girl-on-girl adventures with Traci - a cute red-headed number with (of course) big boobs. before they cut to the beginning of the scene Chloe is sure to mention...
"Don't worry, i'm not a lesbian, i'm doing this for you."
WHAT?!? okay...why the disclaimer? so that the male viewer won't feel like he's left out (like he would be if two actual lesbians were goin' at it)?
without further ado the hot...um...non-lesbo (??) action begins...
overall the camera work throughout the scenes is fairly static and what cuts or transition they do use end up being relatively predictable. the action itself is pretty standard girl-on-girl fair i suppose. Chloe and Traci begin the scene with some making out in lingerie. a lot of boob play follows with Chloe rubbing her ample, natural tits against Traci's skin-stretched-tight-over-basketball-fake-boobs. they then move into the fingering and clit play (both girls had nice, delicious muffs if you don't mind my sayin') and then the clothes come off and there's some 69 action and some other more awkward and contorted positions. Chloe is pretty good at what she does, her performance is at least partially convincing; but unfortunately Traci is a bit quiet and non-vocal. i couldn't really tell if that was good or bad because the sound was a bit bad. the film quality overall is lacking, and i was left wondering if perhaps the girls would have looked a bit better. it seemed that their cuteness was a bit overshadowed by the minor imperfections the film brought out.
unlike stag films and other straight or gay porn, there is no money shots to be had in a film such as this. so you don't really know when the scene is over and when it is over you're sort of left wondering if you missed something. did she cum? did she cum? did anything just happen? these were the questions plaguing my mind in the first and successive scenes of the film.
it seems the only climactic moment in the first scene was when Chloe, while getting her box chowed by Traci, pulled the headboard off the bed by accident. that was pretty damn funny...
so then we see Chloe again in her dressing room or clothes closet or wherever and she then introduces the actress for the next scene. rinse and repeat.
the entire film has 4 scenes total and each scene pretty much plays out like the scene before just with a different actress and a different location.
i will also take the time to mention that Sugar Kane (Chloe's fuck-buddy in the second scene), despite looking like she got hit in the face with a shovel (i think it was just really bad make-up), had an ENORMOUS clit! it was HUGE! like, literally, 1.5 inches long! it was a little peepee! but still, it didn't save the film from the grips of boresville.
the only scene that veered from this formula was the 3rd scene in which Chloe enlists the help of a [fake] big boobed brunette to shave her armpits, asshole and pussy. i guess if you have a shaving fetish this scene might get you going; but not really worth it if you can get an entrie fetish porn dedicated to that sort of stuff. i have to respect the brunette's (i'm sorry i didn't catch her name and i was pretty much struggling to stay awake at this point) shaving skill. not one nick! that's pretty damn good.
the fourth scene is with yet another [fake] boobed blondie. similar as the first few with a lil toy action thrown in for good measure.
*yawn*
zzzzzzz...
yep, i think i missed the last part of this show. sorry! if you can't tell already this film is a snore-fest through and through. i'm hoping i get a lot more bang for my buck when we receive an all girl leg and foot fetish film starring Aria Giovanni!!! now that'll be great!!
but i digress.
in the end, a film title with the words "big tit" and "conquests" in it brings to mind a lot of action...domination, submission...
i suppose i imagined that Chloe would use her feminine wiles to seduce innocent big-tittied closet lesbos into hot cunnilingus and fistin'. alas, the only REAL big tits were Chloe's and the only conquest was that i managed to conquer the sweet embrace of sleep for about 1.5 hours to watch this film.
final rating: 5.1 out of 10
that's all for this WPR. stay tuned next week for BIKER BANG an all male gay-porn flick! should be good times! until then...
rock out with your cock out!
~B-)
4:23 p.m. - 2005-04-20
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