stardustcboy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tuesday Rant - Wedding Wackiness TUESDAY RANT � WEDDING WACKINESS Okay, before I begin, I just want to say for the record that I LOVE JeLLy, more than anything; and I look forward to spending my life with her, having her children, growing old, laughing, living and all the other stuff in between that you share with someone who is your life partner. I�m dedicated to making her life brighter, even when it�s gray; to giving her laughter, even when there is sorrow; to holding her and carrying her, when she cannot hold nor carry herself. This is my cause and my commitment, and so help oh great powers that be, I am bound to it until the day I die. That being said� I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL THIS WEDDING STUFF IS OVER. I swear, I think I�m going to go mad. Come May, I�ll probably need to be committed to an institution�you know, put into a rubber room and stuff. I guess the major hair-pulling aspect of the whole ordeal is the coordination of everything. You see, it isn�t as simple as saying �hey, we�re having a bonfire party, everybody bring your things and let�s have a good time.� There�s a lot more to it than that unfortunately. Mainly because weddings, to all intents and purposes, have a TREMENDOUS amount of emphasis placed upon them. I mean, for the bride, it�s supposed to be her �special day�, a day for her to shine and look like a pretty-princess so that all the other ladies can ooh and aah and she can feel like she�s on top of the world. This isn�t a bad thing, but it makes the planning all the more trickier because suddenly EVERYTHING HAS TO BE PERFECT. So then it becomes this massive 10-20 tiered system � secure location, create and send out invites, collect RSVPs, rent chairs, get caterers, get a minister, collaborate on schedules of events, bachelor and bachelorette parties, bridal showers, rehearsal dinners, flowers, boutonni�res, corsages, dresses, suits, bridal gowns, rings, ad infinitum. All must be set accordingly and on time so that everything works out smoothly and the whole thing goes off as beautifully and magically as was hoped. This puts an incredible amount of pressure on everything. Someone lags and its like the sky is falling, schedules get mixed up, rearranged, people can�t make it on this date, then you have to accommodate. Then you have to deal with everyone trying to live vicariously THROUGH you. This is more on the women�s side I�ve noticed than on the men�s side. Suddenly everyone is putting their two-cents worth into what should be done, what�s pretty, what�s not. You should do this, you should do that, don�t do this, don�t do that� In the end I�m left standing and wondering, who the hell is this all for anyway? I mean, am I just an incredibly selfish and cold-hearted bastard for wanting things to remain simple? I feel like if I don�t go along with all of this I�m not �in love enough� with my future wife; and that somehow all this investment is a reflection of how long our relationship will last and the validity and solidarity of our love for one-another. So I just sort of wing it. In the beginning it was stated that this wedding is as much mine as hers and that what I wanted and what I thought was important mattered and would be taken into consideration. I honestly don�t feel like that has ever been the case and I�m sorry. It all started when, after the proposal party in March (when JeLLy surprised me), I said� �I just want to run away and elope! Then we could sail away on a cruise or fly off to the Caribbean or Tahiti. That would be sweet! Maybe even have a grand adventure in Las Vegas and everyone can meet us there! Vegas or Bust, baby yeah!!� To which all nearby recoiled in horror and astonishment that I would even THINK to suggest such a thing. I didn�t hear the end of it for like 3 hours. Not necessarily from JeLLy, more from the other girls we know. So, being out-numbered, I quickly shut my mouth and said no more and just went along with it. So it�s really not for me, per se. Most of my suggestions and ideas have been shot down and vetoed. When I tell her about plans and we settle on something things end up getting moved around and shuffled and in the end what I had to say was moot anyway. I might as well have just nodded in agreement and kept my mouth shut. Don�t think that it is her doing most of the time; on the contrary, it usually is just a conflict with another person�s schedule or timeline or idea or whatever. You see, my lil romantic ideal is in some ways tied to how my parents got married. They eloped and moved to St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands. Talk about romantic!! They�re STILL TOGHETHER too after almost 40 years! So I just thought carrying out the family tradition would be fun and�well�I dunno��I guess I was just being idealistic and an ol� romantic fool; but that was my idea. That or just have everyone meet in Vegas over a weekend and get down and jiggy THEN fly out to Tahiti or some far-off tropical isle. Though again, people seem to feel this NEED to make the wedding their own somehow. I understand that these are people we love and they�re family and good friends and such � and that they want to be involved and a part of it; but it has taken serious effort to curb people and their �advice�. In the beginning it was getting a bit out of hand and we were looking at a cost in the high thousands. Go back and read some of JeLLy�s earlier entries about it. It was getting crazy. So anyway, I guess I get a little frustrated because I don�t feel that the wedding itself is any reflection of my love for her; but at the same time I want her to feel special and I want to give her her special day where she�s the center of attention and all eyes are on her because�well�she�s never had that before, and I want her to have it. But when she stresses over it and she gets angry and frustrated because people are lagging or things aren�t happening fast enough, I just want to say �This comes with it.� It consumes nearly 60% of our conversation now. Wedding this, wedding that. Some days it�s okay, but some days I just start to tune it out. My mind goes blank and suddenly, mouths are moving but I just don�t hear anything. Overall it�s been a nice lil compromise between what I want and what she wants, and we�ve managed to keep a good budget about it too; but still if it were wholly up to me... *sigh* Anyway, I just needed to vent. I hate to feel stressed over shit, and it�s like I�ve invited four thousand times more stress into my life on top of all the other stress I already have so I just have days where I�m close to just snapping. It wears on me; but I can imagine it�s probably worse for JeLLy�which just stresses me more. In the end though it�ll all turn out fine and it�ll be a great day. It�s the getting there. Still, once it is all said and done, I�ll feel so much lighter and I can finally settle in with the woman I plan on loving for the rest of my life�not to mention FINALLY visit Tahiti! Woohoo!! ;-) I�m reading you. 5:29 p.m. - 2005-01-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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