stardustcboy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shape-Shift i'm sort of wordless right now. there's a lot of things going on in my head, but it seems rather futile to even try to iron them out here. i suppose what i feel most is a bit cheated, and the resulting emotions are one part resignation, one part defeat. i'm a shape-shifter. i can become anything i or anyone else wants and desires. in many ways i think that its the only thing that truly gives me any real form or substance. i think that if i don't have a shape to assume i am too boundless, too limitless to be of any good even to myself. by assuming a role in someones life i give myself a form that has limits and purpose. i become something tangible. when i am without i'm so free it's utterly terrifying. i don't think there will ever be another soul who will walk to the outer edges of my being, fathom its untold depths, and truly revel in what lies there. i think that it is too much. so i give myself form. manifest myself as a heart's desire, a dream-come-true to give myself an acceptable and defineable shell in the eyes of the beholder. i do it all the time. in fact, i think that it is my Modus Operendi. i do it because i think the real me is much more vast than anyone can really comprehend and by assuming another form it allows them to catagorize me, define me, give me a label. it allows them peace of mind because they see in me what they want, and not the yawning abysses of infinite space or the dark unplumbed realms of the sea. the dragon is my true form but a dragon cannot walk the cities of man and not strike terror into the hearts of those that dwell there. so i became a cowboy, a wanderer, an icon that people associate with freedom and adventure, hard justice and grit, righteousness and dignity. yet, it is also lonesome and shifting. never in the same place for too long, always drifting, like a lone tumbleweed on a quiet and windswept prairie. now i will change again. to something else a bit more manageable. it's easy for me. i've done it countless times before for countless different reasons. for people, for the world. i'll never be able to be me. only a comfortable fraction. if i am truly boundless, than a fraction of that is still more than anyone could understand. so i pour myself a new mold, transform... shape-shift ~B-) 10:46 a.m. - 2004-12-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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