stardustcboy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It. faith is such a puzzling thing sometimes. i find it odd that we as humans seek to define the universe around us. what is this need? we do all sorts of funny things to explain it all. we come up with all sorts of interesting theories, symbols, ideas and personifications to justify our existence and to define ourselves apart from the each other and the world and cosmos around us. yet strangely it isn't all that necessary. i hang out with God all the time. it's funny really. we talk without speaking. It shows me things...funny things, interesting things, strange things, unexplainable things, beautiful things, sad things, terrible things, horrible things... every day It shows me. i often ask, "am i the only one that sees these things? surely i can't be?" yet i look around at others, and for the most part, it seems that i am. so yes, to all you doubters out there, God exists. i'm not sure if i'm comfortable calling It God because so many people see it as something else. a christian has their view. a muslim has theirs. a buddhist, a hindu, a jew...they all call It something else, define It as something else; but in the end It is always the same thing. in the end It is everything, It is omnipotent, It is omniscient, It was, is and will be. every morning i open my eyes and i see It. every night i go to bed and It is with me. every moment of my life It is a part and apart from me. i believe in It. i have faith in It. i strive to be like It. but i forget that i am already It, and It is already me. i like It. the idea of It comforts me. i like to think that It has some sort of grand design, some sort of massive and unknowable purpose. i think that i am so small compared to It, that i would probably never be able to see all of It at once. but yet i always see pieces of It in everything - myself, people, the world, the stars...everything is a part of It. i suppose that that is what it is like to be omnipresent and omniscient. i'd imagine that It can see everything from where It is. i'd imagine to be able to do that It would have to be outside of everything? or maybe it's because It is everything all at once? sometimes It hurts my brain to try and think about It. but in all of my conversations with It, never has It told me who is right. i've asked It several times which theology is right, but It only winks at me. what's that supposed to mean? i sometimes think that maybe they're all right about It in some way. maybe that's why It just winks at me? who knows? who could ever say for sure what It thinks? if anyone could then what is the reason for It? i think that It is important for us to believe in, otherwise It would not have a reason. it's sort of buddhist i guess. what good is something if there is nothing around to experience It. then what is to say It ever existed? no one. nothing. then what? there is no us in relation to It, and no It in relation to us. but what about the rest of the universe? is It out there too? or is It something wholly unique to us? in another galaxy near another star is It there too? when i aks It that it only winks at me again. It can be so frustrating sometimes. just when you think you see It, you don't. just when you think you understand It, another mystery pops up. It is like a big huge puzzle. maybe that's why we all look at It differently? maybe we all see just a piece of It? maybe each of us holds one piece that make up the whole picture of It? hmmm...It is so strange sometimes. yet, It also always seems so simple too. how does It do that? how can It be so complex and so simple at the same time? maybe it is because It is everything? or maybe It is nothing? ah, It is so confusing. but i guess that even if i only see little parts of It, then that is pretty cool. i guess that i don't really need to see all of It to know that It is there, right? that's like saying the puzzle doesn't exist if you're only holding one piece. It does! you just have on piece! i wonder if we all put our pieces together, would we get a better picture of It? or would it still be only a piece to a larger picture of It? hmmm...i guess we may never know all of It, but i think that's okay. i think knowing only a part of It is pretty cool. it makes me sad though when people try to tell me what It wants. how can they know? sometimes they'll even tell me that It wrote it down somewhere so that we could read It and know. but i'm not too sure about that. after my conversations with It, it seems pretty evident that It does not care to write anything down. It would rather show things to you. even though i guess when someone writes It is writing too...since it is a part of everything...but then...is all that we write a part of It then? i guess that would make everyone right about what It is. how is that possible? there It goes again. so confusing. It seems to just go around in a big circle. you end up right where you started with It. in the end, i'm happy knowing It is there...or here...that is enough for me. i don't need anyone to tell me what It is or what It wants or what It looks like, i think i have a good enough relationship with It to know myself. i'll just keep on talking to It and i'll keep on listening to It and i'll be sure to pay attention to what It shows me. perhaps It is trying to teach me something? that would be cool, i like to learn new things about It and about stuff in general. what better teacher than It? since It knows everything and is everything and all that stuff. but that is my relationship with It. i don't think it is my place to tell anyone else what It is either because It is still just as much a mystery to me...obviously! but i can tell everyone that It exists. It is everywhere! you can't miss It! unless of course you're not paying attention to It. then you'll miss It and you'll probably think that It doesn't exist. i know some people like that. even people who say It exists sometimes don't really see It. they see something else entirely. something that someone else said was It. what do they know? what do i know? there It goes again. around and around. such is the nature of It! man, It is SO cool. i wish everyone could see It. i wish everyone could agree on It. It really isn't as difficult as we think...we just make It difficult. anyway, go out and find It if you can, and when you do talk to It. It's crazy! you'll be amazed! my heart is full 1:58 p.m. - 2004-10-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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