stardustcboy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ...Rocky Mountain High, Colorado... hello my darlings! how are we all feeling this fine wednesday afternoon, hmmm? hump day, and you all know what that means? grab a partner and hump. yep! don't matter if it's a boy or a girl, just get to humpin'! lessee'...what was i going to write about again? not sure...it was a rant...but now i can't really remember. mmm...it'll come to me. *** so i leave for colorado tomorrow to attend my lil sister's wedding. it'll be nice to be back at my touchstone. i haven't been home in two years now, so i look forward to seeing that majestic peak on the horizon. i shall offer a prayer to the great spirit of that place upon my arrival, and spend a few moments communing with it, sharing my travels. as for the whole "little sister getting married" thing. i'm feelin' good about it. he seems like a nice kid (my sister has always had the propensity for robbing the cradle - only dating young men at least 2 years her junior). he called me a few months ago after he proposed to her, out of the blue. he told me his motivations and was honest and sincere. i responded... "you know kid, you got some BALLS callin' ME!" *pause* "um, okay. well..." (he didn't know quite what to say) "...i respect that." i continued. *laughs* i'm not sure if he has much of a sense of humor or sarcasm. i honestly think that he was about to call it quits at that point. but i told him all that mattered to me was that my sister was happy, that she was being treated with the respect and loyalty that she deserved. i then said... "...because i don't want to get a call from her at 2am in the morning. i consider myself a peaceful and loving kinda' guy...but when people mess with my family i get a little crazy. i got boys out there...good friends i've known since highschool. in many ways she's their lil sister too...if i get that call...or ANY call, they'll be the first to know, and the LAST thing you see when you open the door." *pause* "well, um, i don't..." "hahahaha! i'm kiddin'! loosen up kid, i'm not that badass. i have faith in you and i trust you'll be good to my kid sis for all the long years of your lives." he still didn't really get it i don't think. *shrugs* in the end there's a wee bit of truth to it... ;-) so yeah, he seems like a pretty good guy, and moreover, my sis seems to be pretty in love with him. this is a good thing to me, and i'm proud of what she has become. i love her greatly, and i've always had faith in her. so i'm excited! not only that, but JeLLy's gonna' get to meet ALL the rest of the family! this is a big event! good times will be had by all! what else? hmmm...that's all i can think of. oh yeah...i was going to rant about politics, because it's so retarded, and it seems to be the big topic lately...besides relationships...which i also wanted to rant about...BUT, i'm in just too good of a mood to really bother. i think i'll just quickly summerize... politics = bullshit romance/relationships = bullshit does that mean politic and romance/relationships are the same? politic is the result of human society...human society is the result of romance/relationships... interesting thought. mmm...whatever. people just need to let go. you can't win 'em all. your expectations keep you down. change is good, even if you don't like it. love isn't as complicated as you make it out to be. hollywood fairytales and romantic comedies are delusions. real life takes work. sacrifices are necessary for the greater good. blah. blah. blah. just deal with it and quit being a bunch of whiney ass bitches. sometimes things just don't work out the way you want them to... strike that... RARELY IF EVER do things work out the way you want them to. quit moping around and pining for things that can never exist. in this world you've got one of two things at all times... challenges gifts stop thinking in terms of "good" and "evil". "good" is just God with an extra "o" in it. "evil" is the "Devil" without the "d" at the front. ALL OF THEM ARE HUMAN CONSTRUCTS. none of them REALLY EXIST IN THE MATERIAL SENSE. what DOES exist? destruction. creation. positive. negative. NECESSITY. such is the great asymmetry of all things. it HAS to be. stop fighting it so much. it makes you look retarded. i'll end with an analogy... when i first went river rafting, the instructor told me that... "if i ever fell in, i shouldn't fight the current. instead, it is best to relax and let it carry me. only when you fight do you risk getting smashed about on the rocks." we had our helmets and our life vests and away we went. just a ways down the river the water got a bit choppy, then a bit further, we were in the rapids. the raft rocked and bucked and veered and lurched this way and that way. we came on a slight bend and the side of the raft run up a large rock in the river. the whole thing went catty-wampus sending riders on one side crashing into riders on the other (i.e. - your dear narrator). the result? i got knocked off the boat into the raging water. it was freezing...chaos...tumult... my first instinct? grab! reach! swim! can't breath! grope! lash out! FIGHT!! then... like a mantra... it is best to relax and let it carry me. only when you fight do you risk getting smashed about on the rocks. and i let myself go limp. in the roaring, cacophonous pandemonium of water i found it...total peace. i was suddenly bouyant upon the current, lifted up and over and around. i was like the stick...no...i WAS the water. sunlight dappling my face, the bright blue sky yawned above me. soft clouds floated lazily in the summer heavens...and there in the chaos i found beauty. in the chaos i was humbled. in the chaos i discovered a great truth... then SNATCH! a large hand gripped the front of my vest and pulled me from the torrent. i was back in the boat. a quick check to see if i was all right, and off we went downriver... that being said, what i've found my loves is this... we are but the oarsman on the rivers of life. we cannot control the current. we CAN control how we navigate. but no matter where we go, in the end (like the rains upon the mountaintops) we all return to the source...the ocean...the great mother of all life's birth. amen. until next time my loves... my heart is full. 3:53 p.m. - 2004-10-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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