stardustcboy's Diaryland Diary

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...Inverted, Nutz, Cancer...

good afternoon and/or evening my lil cyber-denizens!

how is everyone doing today? good? good.

my testicle hurts...the right one. it's been hurting off and on for some time now. it began back in august or september of last year. just sort of an uncomfortable feeling, like my nut was sitting funny or something. then every now and then it would ache a bit, like i had been bumped in the nuts (not full on kicked or socked mind you). it was a minor annoyance but eventually the pain would fade.

now, i must say that i am pretty good at self-examinations. ladies will know how important it is to check for any strange bumps or nodules in the breast...well...maybe they wouldn't, but they SHOULD! ladies? go and check your breasts right now!

anyway, i digress. you boys must know the importance of feeling up your balls from time to time. no, no, no not THAT WAY. perverts. no, i'm talking about rolling each testicle gently between your fingers and checking for any irregularities. well, i do this often. so when the minor ache began i checked myself for any strange lumps or other things that may be out of the ordinary. nothing. save for the fact that my right nut seemed to be riding a bit high. well shortly after the pain subsided...

then a few months later it came back again. so i called my mom. she's a nurse and i always feel at ease in asking her anything medically related. so i described to her my condition. i told her i thought that maybe i had an inverted testicle or something. that it wasn't a horrible, paralyzing kind of pain; but more of a annoying, uncomfortable pain. like my nut was riding funny or something.

so she then said that that could very well be the problem and that i should go see a doctor about it. i asked what sort of treatments would be done to correct the condition and she said that most likely they'd cut into my ballsack and move it back to its proper place. not too bad, right? right.

now, one thing about my mom (bless her heart) is she always has to give you the worst-case-scenario and then recount an experience that she had in the past.

after describing to me the operation necessary for getting my nut re-aligned she then said...

"but you better get in soon. it's not something to fool around with. a few years ago a man came into the ER with a complaint much like yours. when the doctors ran tests they found that he had testicular cancer. but he had waited too long and it had matasticized and spread into his leg and abdomen. they ended up having to cut off his right leg and remove both his testicles. on top of that a lower part of his bowel needed to be taken out and now he poops into a colostomy bag."

now i know my mom has good intentions with this here little anecdote. she's trying to stress to me the importance of taking care of your nuts and making sure that whenever there's a problem to follow up as quickly as possible.

but...

she's sort of forgetting who she's talking to. now, i must admit that this may be one of my character flaws, i dunno really...but when you tell me a story like that...THE LAST thing i want to do is go to the doctor.

i'll tell you why...

because immediately my mind begins reeling out WHAT IF scenarios

"mr. s*****z, i'm afraid we've got bad news...you have nuts cancer and we're going to have remove your entire lower body."

"mr. s*****z, i'm afraid we're going to have to cut off your penis and you're going to be pissing and shitting out of a bag for the rest of your natural life."

blah, blah, blah.

next thing you know...

I DON'T GO TO THE DOCTOR.

"why?" you might ask.

the answer is as stubborn and assinign as it is simple...

BECAUSE I'D RATHER DIE OF CANCER THAN HAVE TO HAVE MY NUTS, LEGS, OR ANY OTHER PART OF MY BODY CUT OFF.

so here i am. the pain in my nut has actually become rather persistent. in fact, it is quickly becoming downright uncomfortable ALL THE TIME. every day i think...

"fuckin' shit. i better get ahold of a doctor."

then i immediately think of that story.

not only that, but i have an HMO plan. i'm afraid of who's going to be handling my nuts in this whole procedure. my general practitioner might just refer me to GorNadz the Nutz surgeon, an 83 year old Hun who uses a rusty wood axe to make his incisions.

alas, it must be done my friends. but i'll tell you something right here and now.

if they have to cut my sack open and move some stuff around that's more than cool with me...

...BUT...

...if they've got to remove any part of my body (save the nut in question) because of some tumor or cancer that's spreading through my system...well...i hate to break it to ya'll...

...i'm just gonna' deal with it. i'll let them do chemo treatments and the like, but in no way are they going to go cutting off my legs or bowels or anything of the sort goddammit! i'm resigned to it.

i'll just die of cancer.

otherwise, i'll have a swollen sack for a few weeks and things will end up fine. so here's to it my loves! wish me luck!

licksucklicksuckfuck

~B-)

5:36 p.m. - 2004-09-21

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