stardustcboy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ...Has anyone seen my MoJo?... it is official, i've lost my mojo. i can't find it anywhere...has anyone seen it lying around? it's sort of a undulating and hypnotic play of gold, violet, red and blue light that's warm and inviting. i'm not sure where i had it last, i think i might have left it somewhere or something? it's not hard to miss so if anyone's seen it around lately be sure to let me know because i miss it dearly. *** so i don't really feel all that sexy anymore. things aren't the way they used to be in the pre-quarter-of-a-century era of my life. back then, i didn't really have to work at all to maintain a trim figure. nowadays my body likes to retain what it takes in. that's not saying that i'm horribly overweight or anything, i just wish i could lose this lil blob of "cholo-chub" that circles my waistline. i ride my bike a lot, 10 miles a day, but it's not seeming to burn off much. i think this is because my eating habits haven't been altered all that drastically or anything, and...well...i have a fondness for beer. i'm sorry okay? beer is a nice post-work beverage on a hot summer evening. so shoot me. i think i should start with some basic excercises to trim up a bit. maybe some push-ups and sit-ups or crunches. i think that might help to reduce the chub factor. my friend Tom has a gorgeous figure. you can tell he's spent his life working on it. he's a martial artist, eats right, works out a few times a week...and he looks GOOD. he has that martini-shaped male frame, broad shoulders, a full set of latissimus dorsi, strong back, full well toned arms, a nice stomach, and some pretty damn good buns. he's probably the hottest asian guy i know. i just don't feel very catching. i know i sound like some whiney little girl or something, i mean, what GUY talks like this? but if i'm at a bar, i don't get seductive stares from across the room. i don't see girls looking at me with hunger in their eyes. i'm sort of a cipher, unnoticed and non-existant. of course, now that i think on it, i've never really been the guy who's approached by beautiful women. there are guys out there that are like fuckin' magnets for hot ladies. i'm not, nor have i ever been, that kind of guy. i've always wondered why though. i mean, i don't consider myself uber-hot or anything like that; but i at least feel that i have a decent amount of charisma and a modicum of handsomeness and good looks. most of the girls i've dating, slept with, or been involved with i met through someone. a mutual friend or whatever. others i met online, where your humor and personality tend to shine before your looks (though that's not always the case). otherwise, i've never really hooked up with girls from bars or clubs or anything. there was ONE exception, but i approached her. so again, what is it about me that is unapproachable? in this society, it's generally less accepted that ladies approach the guys. girls like to be chased oftentimes. but that usually ends up being a stupid game of cat-and-mouse that goes nowhere. though as i said before, i have guy-friends who are always approached on nights out. i wonder if it is because they're taller? i'm not a short dude, but i think i fall into that area of tallness that's sort of overlooked. i'm 6' on the button, no more, no less. guys i know who pass the 6' mark by even an inch or two get approached 2 times out of 5. whereas the guys over 6'2" are approached 4 out of 5 times. theoretically i'd say that a girl scoping the bar, immediately filters guys under 5'4", they just don't exist, they're not at her eye level (this is assuming the female height average is 5'3"). next, her eyes would be immediately drawn to the most tall of the bunch, guys who tower over the rest of the bar patrons a good quarter of a foot or more. lastly, she'd scope the average height males, 5'6" to 5'10", and see what sorts of options lie there. i think since i'm at the lower end of "tall" i get lost somewhere along the way. like the eye just sort of skips over me when transitioning from uber-tall to average. i think also that i'm somewhat non-descript. nothing about me really stands out in a crowd. i don't have wild hair, i'm not uber-tall, i'm not ripped or muscular, i don't wear fancy clothes, and i don't have model looks. i'm just sort of...there. i've been told that my eyes are my good feature by some. thus, scanning a bar or area packed with people, you're not going to catch that right away. you'd have to be talking to me or standing within 2 to 3 feet in order to really pick that out. besides that, no one has ever said anything about any other feature of my body. again, i guess i'm just sort of non-descript. i blend. which in some ways is good, but in flirting situations and such, it's quite a handicap. the realization has left me feeling somewhat unattractive. i don't feel that i have any ANIMAL magnetism. thus, the losing of the mojo. did i ever really have it anyhow? i think that girls like me because i'm somewhat funny and charming. it really is my personality in mostly all cases. i don't think i've ever won the affections of a woman with my looks alone. they've always just thought i was cute. which is cool and all, but why just for once can't it be because i'm "irresistably hot and sexy?" i'd like to feel that way. hot. and sexy. cute is something you ascribe to a bunny or lil kid or something. not to an object of irresistable DESIRE. just once i'd like to walk into a crowded place and have all eyes on ME. just once i'd like a girl to approach me and chat me up because i'm downright MAGNETIC, because she JUST CAN'T RESIST. sometimes i feel like my cuteness has only really won me obligatory, passionless fucks. why can't i, just for once, be a fucking OBJECT of sexual lust? hmmm? *sigh* i guess you can't escape your role or who you are. i'm the funny-cute-guy-you-start-to-like-after-awhile-because-you-realize-how-nice-and-sweet-i-am-and-decide-that-sex-might-be-a-fun-endeavor. and i'll never be that-hot-guy-you-see-on-your-night-out-and-must-hook-up-with-because-i'm-so-utterly-hot-you-can-brag-to-all-your-friends-about-what-a-great-looking-piece-of-tail-i-was. aw well. works busy. i want the weekend. i'd like a beer. i'd like to be on the beach...far, far, far, far, FAR away. be seein' ya'll around. until then... licks! ~B-) 11:51 a.m. - 2004-07-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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