stardustcboy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ...Celebrity Interviews Episode II... well howdy ya'll! welcome once again to Celebrity Interviews. we have today someone we all know very well, or at least WILL know at some point in our lives. ladies and gentlemen, please give a big welcome to an Angel of Death. *applause* STaRDuSTcBoY: thanks for taking the time to come and talk with us Death. DEATH: no problem, i don't have any appointments, so i figured i'd make an appearance. STaRDuSTcBoY: well, thanks again. let's get on with the questions, shall we? DEATH: go ahead. STaRDuSTcBoY: so, i think the first question on everyone's mind is, does it hurt? DEATH: oh heavens no! my associates and i work to ensure that everyone's passage is as painless and quick as possible. STaRDuSTcBoY: your associates? you mean, you have help? DEATH: listen, i'm not God, i work for God; but i certainly can't be everywhere at once you know. we employ over 3 trillion across the world and throughout the universe. STaRDuSTcBoY: wow, i would've never thought. DEATH: most people wouldn't. we pride ourselves on our speed and efficiency. we're working around the clock to transfer sojourners from one place to the next. it's a rough experience for all of them, so we like to make it as peaceful and easy as possible. STaRDuSTcBoY: sojourner? DEATH: yes, that's the official title of what you commonly refer to as the "soul." STaRDuSTcBoY: ah, interesting. so what if someone dies in a horrible plane crash? like, 20 minutes of sheer terror, the plane drops, twisted metal, fire, explosions...how do you handle a situation like that? DEATH: well, i don't want to get into the grim and gory details of what we do. but, basically, the events surrounding a passage are irrelevant. we make the dispatch, get to the site, and make sure everyone is accounted for. STaRDuSTcBoY: um...layman's terms? DEATH: *laughs* terribly sorry. what i'm saying is it doesn't matter if you die in a horrible fiery plane crash, or you die in your sleep; the agent assigned to you makes sure that it is painless and peaceful. STaRDuSTcBoY: so in the case of the crash? DEATH: well, first the agent would put you into shock. this ensures that you are numb both emotionally and physically to the sites and sensations around you. some agents will even induce unconsciousness. the agent then stimulates you to release all available dopamines and endorphines in your brain. this helps alleviate any remaining emotional stress and physical pain. at this point you are removed. it's a little easier when the passage is like a heart attack or a sleeper. that kind of stuff is sudden or the sojourner is unconscious. STaRDuSTcBoY: wow. what about people who have near death experiences? DEATH: ah, we like to refer to those as "recalls". it doesn't happen often, usually 1 in 2 billion or so, but when it does it's usually due to an error in dispatch or we just don't have enough agents to get to the sojourner in time, and they're then slated for the next available date. STaRDuSTcBoY: another thing i'd like to ask is, how do you deal with being an Angel of Death? how do you cope with the low popularity and general dislike? was the poet right when he said, "death be not proud?" DEATH: well, we know that people don't want to die; but they have to. there's simply not enough energy to keep everyone alive forever. we have to ensure everything keeps moving. it's simply my job, no more...no less. i like to keep the highest of standards for myself and my associates so at least i can be proud knowing that, despite not really wanting to die, the sojourner at least feels at peace with it. if that happens, then i've done good. STaRDuSTcBoY: so you're kind of like the cops? DEATH: *laughs* mmm, something like that i suppose. though we aren't here to punish anyone for their crimes, or to protect and serve per se, we just do what's necessary when the time comes. STaRDuSTcBoY: i think another major question on everyone's mind is, what happens to us after we die? DEATH: if i told you i'd have to kill you. STaRDuSTcBoY: er... DEATH: *laughs* i'm just pullin' your chain man. STaRDuSTcBoY: oh...haha...um... DEATH: seriously, you're just moved elsewhere. STaRDuSTcBoY: where? DEATH: wherever you're needed. STaRDuSTcBoY: where's that. DEATH: it's situationally dependant. really, what happens to a sojourner after the passage isn't in our jurisdiction. it's another department alltogether, so in all honesty i can't tell you for certain. STaRDuSTcBoY: um, okay. i think we're close to wrapping it up; but before you go, i have one last question. DEATH: shoot. STaRDuSTcBoY: there are a lot of people out there who harbor a lot of anger and resentment towards you. friends, family, loved ones, pets - what do you have to say to them? DEATH: good question. hmmm...i guess all i can do is offer my condolences; but as i said before i can promise them that their loved ones went painlessly. i think sometimes it's harder to be the survivor than the sojourner. if there's one thing i know, it's that surviving is a lot harder than dying. i can't really say sorry as it is all part of the natural order and thus it's something you all have to face one day. however, i can say that those you lost live on in your memory and in many ways are still with you. dealing with it is a process, like everything else, you go through stages...denial, anger, depression, acceptance. it hurts, it's soul-numbingly painful, but you change...oftentimes for the better. i think it hurts most when there's still a lot of unsaid things or misgivings on the part of the survivor. if there's anything i've learned it's that Death is the great equalizer. it's blind to age, race, religion, social or financial status. it forces ALL people to see their own mortality, and i think it reminds us of what is most important in life. STaRDuSTcBoY: and what's that? DEATH: living...and living well. STaRDuSTcBoY: well said. thank you so much Death for coming in today. it was wonderful having you. i'm sure you have plenty of work to do so we won't keep you any longer. DEATH: thank you! see you later. wow, again! another fantastic interview. let's give Death a round of applause. *applause* well everyone, i hope you've learned a little something today. i know i have! our next celebrity interview will be with an alien being from a galaxy 400 million light years away!! if you'd like me to ask our guest a question please feel free to write in and tell me! until next time everyone! so long, farewell, avoir, auf wiedersehen... xoxo ~B-) **added new pics to my photolog. check 'em out! 10:29 a.m. - 2004-04-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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