stardustcboy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ...Fun With HTML part 2: Sir-Links-a-Lot...or...The NOT so Alternative Lifestyles!! aaah yes! this GOLD membership stuff is fun! over the weekend i plan on spending a little time making some cool artwork to place as a new background image for my diary! wouldn't THAT be sweet? i think so! as my dear lil cyber-pal rumblelizard would say, Finally Fuckin' Friday!! so a happy friday to you all (all 3 of you that is). ;-P so today is ALPHA for the X-Files game i've been working on. almost done! so far it's lookin' all right...though i must admit, i don't think it will be the greatest horror-type game ever created...but it's passable. i'll just be glad to be over with it. so anyway, if you remember back a bit you know that i've been meaning to write about "The NOT so Alternative Lifestyles"... well, i've been thinkin' a lot about this whole swinging thing; and you know what? i'm feelin' a bit...well...disillusioned about it. so, most of you may know my past experiences as a single male in the lifestyle...and if you've followed me to this point, then you probably have some of an understanding of what i've seen so far as a couple. today is the day that i'm going to sit down and give you my impressions on what i like to call... ...THE NOT SO ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES... long, long ago...when i began to explore all of this i had the impression that the people who were involved in it all were probably the most open-minded, welcoming, freaky, fun and generally amiable of folk. i had thought that those who took that step had shed their inhibitions and expectation and were open to all forms of exploration and experimentation. now that i've had experiences, both as a single bisexual man and as a bisexual couple, i feel that i have a greater insight into this odd subculture/socialogical phenomenon. you see, my first impressions were only half correct. the majority of lifestylers are still very much bread-and-butter types when it comes to sex and sexual roles. one of the MOST disappointing things for me is the total and complete lack of couples where both partners are bi. about 95% of the couples throughout the various dating sites are interested in your oh-so-very-typical girl-girl-boy action. does this in any way sound "alternative" to you? i mean, how many millions of men world-wide dig the idea of two chicks at once? raise your hands... you see, this fantasy is the most sought after on all the sites and by the large majority of the couples therein. it's almost...if not completely...mundane and unordinary. the other surprising thing that i've found is that a lot of the time bi-straight couples won't have anything to do with a couple that is bi-bi. in fact, you see this statement quite a bit in the profiles... profile Q: "do you (or both) had or would consider a bisexual experience?" A: she has and LOVES them...him NO WAY never gonna' happen! it's almost an instinctual response. now, i'm not tryin' to smash on the people who aren't into it or anything...i mean...to each his own; but my point is HOW does a man know for certain if it's not his thing if he's never actually tried it? on top of that, doesn't it seem like the BIGGEST double-standard ever? it's A-O-K for the ladies to chow box til the cows come home...they're bi, that's sexy, right? but for shame if another man's nutbag brushes another man's nutbag during a particularly loud and vigorous Double-Penetration...cuz everyone knows THAT MEANS THEY'RE GAY!!! never before have i been privy to such absolute homophobia. that's not to say you don't get those couples who are cool with some minor sack touching during particularly raucous boy-boy-girl 3-somes, BUT even they are closed to the bi-male choosing only to bring in straight men and bi-straight couples. very few bi-straight couples are cool about bi-bi couples, but again the ones that g and i have dealt with have been rather pushy...more so from the male portion. here's an example: g and i met a couple from online, we'll refer to them plurally as TheWitches. TheWitches consisted of a very cute lil brunette woman and an equally lil blond, balding, male. they seemed pretty cool at first, we met them for dinner in H-wood and then went out afterwards for a stroll and later for some dancing. the evening went well overall, but from our interactions it was obvious that the male portion of TheWitches was just not into any sort of male-male contact. at a later time, we met them at sex club. at this point it was terribly obvious that TheWitches were only interested in my most beloved g and had no real interest in me. the male seemed to have an almost perverse and too-touchy aspect. to this day i really don't know if the female portion of TheWitches was even remotely into the idea of servicing me, but i can say quite certainly that if anything did ever happen the focus and attention would have been solely upon my mate whilst i sat idly by with my cock in my hand. eventually, we stopped doing anything with them altogether. the reason? one evening while i was wrapping up at work, g jumped on to MSN messanger and TheWitches IM'd her and said hello. it was the male half, as usual, wondering where we had been and when we'd hang out next. g chatted with him for a bit and eventually he got to asking her about "playing". he asked her about the night we were at the sex club, and wondered if it would be all right to engage in play the next time we were together. g stated plainly that she wasn't into the idea of being with him/them until she'd had a taste of her own fantasy first, which is to see me with another man. he quickly signed off without so much as a "i got to do laundry". later, i was online and TheWitches popped on again...and again it was the lil male. i told him of a little suare we were whipping up and invited him and his counterpart along. he declined however, because "he talked to g and she made it clear that she wasn't into any 'lifestyle' play". i shook my head and logged off. you see, i was there the evening g chatted with him, i saw what she wrote to him; and he basically bent the truth. needless to say we wrote them off. this leads me to another little peeve of mine. the aggro-male. you see, more often than not, it seems that the male half of any given couple is the instigator and aggressor. to the point where it becomes rather uncomfortable for g. the constant groping and eyeing and the pressure to "get involved" all while the female just sort of sits there with a blank look on her face. along the same lines as the aggro-male, is the in-the-closet-bi-male or ICBM. i see this way too much. the ICBM's contact us all the time. you look at their profile and it swears up-and-down that the male is straight that "he never has and never will" yet there i am reading his letter... "hey, my name is jobe and i'm bi-curious but my wife doesn't know. i'd like to meet up with you to to explore this without her...blah, blah, blah..." for cryin' out loud, if you can't come out and just say you're bi/curious then just go home...moreover, if you can't share this minor detail with your wifey, who's chowin' box like some insatiable bull-dyke, then don't even bother with me. what i've found is that a great deal of couples do indeed have bi/curious male parts, but are AFRAID to state it because "it would ruin a lot of already good relationships they have with other couples." what the holy fuck-stick is that all about?!? people actually HIDE their sexual preferences for fear of ridicule and exile...this isn't new...happens all the time, but in a community where THIS SORT OF THING SHOULD BE ACCEPTED?!?!?! that's just plain HORRENDOUS. so as i said, it is amazing how much latent homophobia still exists in the swinger population. i really wish that men would get to know their own bodies. i don't think anyone but me, all the gay men in the world, and a handful of bi's know that a man's g-spot is located in his ass. i think that if men could just open their minds to this they could REALLY get off. and let me just say for the record... JUST BECAUSE A MAN DIGS GETTIN' IT IN THE ASS, OR SUCKING A COCK NOW AND AGAIN DOESN'T MAKE HIM GAY i know, i know...it's really difficult to understand. but let's just look at it this way... BI women, the ones i've met in the lifestyle, obviously like to chow box, and moreover, they love to suck on tits, finger a pussy, strap on a dildo and ride a hot bitch just as much as a man or a hard-core lesbian...yet...strangely...*gasp* they're married! AND *gasp again* they actually FUCK their husbands! AND *gasp gasp gasp* they actually FUCK other men!!! oh-my-fucking-christ-on-a-bun! what does it all mean?!? they MUST be lesbians right? the answer my dear lil friends is... fuck. no. so you see, the same holds true for men. just take me as an example. i've fucked men, i've sucked men, i've been fucked by men, i've been sucked by men, i've been rimmed, and rimmed 40 ways from sunday and yet...oddly enough...i still VERY MUCH enjoy giving g a sound rogering every night...not only that...i VERY MUCH enjoy goin' downtown on her until she juices her hot-girl-cum on my face and chin...this holds true for any delicious specimen of the female species for that matter... so there you have it, now that that's all sorted out, let's just drop the stupid ass labels shall we? especially this new one..."metrosexual"...has anyone else heard this? gah! don't even get me started on it...i'll save it for another entry... also, there are so many couples who claim that they don't like "pushy" people and request the same from their prospective partners; but when it comes down to it they just want to fuck. so many times we get mails from people and we try and set up times to meet for cocktails, you know, something casual so that everyone can get comfortable and just get-to-know; but then it's all go-go-go from them. then next thing you know they don't even write anymore because we didn't put out on the first date. this happens quite often. it's funny too because all these dating sites have a "validation" system to weed out fakes and single posers. yet sadly, they all end up being ways of saying "these two put out". we've been on several dates with several different couples, all of whom we didn't fuck. we just hung out and had civil, intelligent conversation. yet, no validation whatsoever...from ANY of them. so it's lead me to believe that you aren't considered a swinger until you've actually fucked like one (or fucked one for that matter). you could go to swing clubs every friday and saturday night, watch mass orgies with fifteen couples and STILL you wouldn't be a "validated" swinger because you didn't fuck one. to me this system only makes the lifestyle more clique-ish. don't get me wrong, there are times when i'm feeling particularly kinky and naughty and i'd like nothing more than to just hook-up and have wild, wet, and nasty sex with some couple and never really have to call them again; but at the same time it's more enjoyable i think if you know the people and there's a solid level of trust and communication going. i think that it makes it all the more fun because everyone involved feels comfortable expressing their desires and what they want. not only that but it ensures that the people you're bringing into your life are healthy both physically and emotionally and won't pollute your relationship with their drama. the point is that i expected so much more from the people in this little community and yet they let me down. i was sad to realize that they're still the same ol' close-minded heteros that everyone else is...they just belong to a really ultra-cool-secret-club. they are no wiser nor tolerant than the next guy and overall it just boils down to the individuals. g and i have been dating this really great couple for a while and we get along swimmingly. i think that it is only a matter of time before we all just pile in and go for it. on the same token, it really doesn't matter one way or another simply because it's nice to know others who share our odd "interests". though i must say that there are times when i just want to break the ice. in many ways it's the first jump that is the hardest to make, and a lot of the time people will just sort of hang on the edge, forever contemplating the jump, but never actually jumping. perhaps i should just bring a boy home and fufill g's fantasy to watch some serious boy-on-boy action? i was contemplating just having someone meet us at a bar, a sort of "pre-determined role-play" and come on to me all hard-core and stuff; but...well...i'm not too sure about that yet... i'm still not sure about g and the lifestyle sometimes. i worry that she just sort of goes along with it for my sake. i hope that's not the case. eh, i'm probably thinking too much. i think my doubt is due to her relative passive role in all of this. i was sort of hoping that she would be more proactive in screening people online, contacting couples/singles and all that jazz; but it tends to fall primarily on me. i thought that maybe she'd take a more aggressive role with the people we date, but i realize that (unlike myself) she's a bit shy upon first encounter and isn't as much of a total sLuT. which is more than okay, but a lot of the time i'll respond to people just because i'm nice and don't want to just blow people off and i genuinely find them interesting or attractive, only to find that g isn't interested or doesn't think they're cute or whatever. so i end up blowing them off anyway. then i just sort of figure that she's not really with me on it due to her seeming lack of motivation and interest. i think that's a good thing though. i tend to be a bit impetuous and brash, oft-times just jumping in only to reconsider after the fact. g is more practical about stuff, and this balances me out and makes me think a bit more before any leaping takes place. *shrugs* honestly, i just wish that people could be open about all this stuff. i wish that you could meet "modern" couples and singles just out-and-about in your daily life instead of on a website...i wish that you could just open up to your friends and invite them in on it...or if ANYTHING have some sort of symbolic tattoo or secret handshake to let people know...but...*sigh* if wishes were fishes... finally, there is an overall sense of envy that seems to emerge in me regarding those who are "modern". i've found that a majority of the couples (esp. the clique-ish ones) are incredibly well-to-do. they travel all over the place, go on cruises, have huge HOUSES to host sex-parties in (you must remember that to have a house in california you really have to be a millionaire, the average cost of a home here is 500,000 dollars which means at a minimum you have to be grossing at least 6 figs a year either combined or alone). they post pix of them in their new ferarri or riding atop their harley, or on far-off tropical sandy beaches. they're THE poster children for the lifestyle in many ways. they're hot, they're fashionable, they're well-off AND they have mad sex orgies all the time. i can't help but feel a little jealous (who me? jealous?) of them. like...i'm broke, i have a ton of debt, the idea of a house seems foreign and far away to me. shit, i don't even have a fucking car! so i see them and can't help but feel a certain amount of covetousness. i know, i know...shame on me. i'm sure they're absolutely fantastic people once you get to know(fuck) them...that is of course only girl-girl... ;-P in the end it's quite an interesting sub-culture. i think it would be nicer to see younger people more into it. i think that the average age of a swinger is around 35+ so finding young couples you can vibe with is pretty tough. that's not saying you can't vibe with the older couples (i think within 8 years is a good measure) but it does get harder to find common ground the more gap in age increases. also, i wouldn't mind seeing the lifestyle become a bit more mainstream...well, not "mainstream" in the sense that everyone is "doing it" (hehehe) but more that a couple who practices it can be more "out of the closet" in their preferences and extracurricular activities and not have to be so secretive and hush-hush all the time. i think that those who practice should be proud of what they are...even if they're only into bi-straight couples. ;-) i mean, if gay men and women can come out and be accepted then way can't a loving, married, vibrant and gorgeous couple come out about their lifestyle? hmmm? food for thought i suppose... so far the adventure has been fun, and as time passes i will probably write more on my findings. it'll be nice when the day comes that me and g live in a nice lil condo by the sea with a boat and no kids, maybe a doggie, and we can travel to different places and stuff. anyway, that's my editorial. i hope it was insightful...or if anything not boring... in the end it was just a way to learn how to use links. have a really great weekend all you cyber-kids! hopefully this dull blue field will be replaced by a really snazzy background image when you return on monday!! until then... shaZaM!!! ~B-)
1:59 p.m. - 2003-10-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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