stardustcboy's Diaryland Diary

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...Domestication...

aHa! hello my dear cyber-citizens! hope everything is going well out there for you all in diaryland. most likely it's good and bad and everything inbetween...ah...such is the wonder of the cosmos my dear children...

anyway, i other news g and i are now officially moved in...yep...this nocturnal wildcat is now being domesticated. in some ways it's sad...i mean...i'll miss the happy-go-lucky days of singledom and having my own space, but i suppose that is the nature of things. i know that i'll miss the freedom, thrill and excitement of dating and playing around. nary a body to answer to save myself, but alas, i'm not getting any younger you know...nor thinner for that matter! LoL

yeah, i've been beaten. she got me all fattened up so i couldn't go anywhere or put up a struggle. ;-P

there you have it ladies, proof that the quickest way to man's heart is through his stomach...can't move too fast if he's 200lbs. LoL i only partly jest.

i only want to get the house in order so that we can invite our friends over and feel proud to call it home. right now it's a giant asshole of disarray and garbage. well, just one more party to throw and then it's focus time. within a few weeks all the boxes will be out, superfluous odds-n-ends, knick-knacks, and shit that has built up over the years will be gone. leaving lots of room to paint, and most importantly, put in the new carpet.

*note to self: i've got to find a stud in the ceiling of the guestroom so i can hang up my sex-swing...

erm...anyway, life is goin'. work is keepin' me busy and payin' me well. i'm putting together a little project and am arranging for a photo studio so that i can get some photographs of various girls for this game/book idea i have. i'm pretty excited for it and i'm hoping to get rolling on it soon so that i can begin with the actual game idea itself.

that's about all...nothing terribly exciting...besides the above-mentioned domesticity. last weekend was cool, got moved in nice and easy. let me tell you my friends, hiring movers is the way to go. totally worth the money so that you don't have to lug massive pieces of furniture up the stairs and all that. i hate moving, and the only thing i hate more than moving...is moving OTHER PEOPLE's shit! ;-)

so believe you me i was more than happy to let someone else do it!

the party with g's ex-fucky-friend was cool. sadly, i was poorly mislead into thinking eric was going to spin...oh no, her fucky-friend did instead. but he's actually a pretty good Dj...not as good as eric...but still had me rockin'. i was surprised to see that he was...mmm...well...how should i say? um...he was pretty not-good-looking...

i mean, he was tall...about 6'3"...but besides that rather nondescript. though i hear legend that his cock is thicker than a coke can!! :-o

maybe that's what it was?

*shrugs*

well, i can't really hold much to that. i wish i was hung like a whale, but sadly the genetics weren't there of something. that's not saying i'm mister baby-dick or anything, oh no, on the contrary. i'm. just. average.

bleh.

average.

aka - bland

aka - unexciting

aka - plain

aka - dull

*sigh* just ONE inch more! that's not much to ask is it? ah well...can't win 'em all i suppose. g's ex's have been reknown for their epic size so i'm a bit off-put by the idea. she was sayin' how one guy she was with could do the "wrist watch" trick with his schlong. man! i wanna' be able to do that!

just one inch man that's all it would take.

ah well...

i guess i'll just have to impress with my not-so-average, long, whirling-dervish-of-orgasmic-pleasure tongue...which is definitely world reknown...unlike my dick which is just average.

sheesh...where was i going with that. guess i just had to let it out. too bad those pills and shit don't work. i'd take 'em...like i said one inch would move me from the "average" catagory to the "big" catagory. one inch...

no longer than this line:

_____________

i digress though. the party was fun and i was drunk enough not to care that i was meeting the bearer of the "thickest-dick-on-earth" award...AND i didn't even have to talk to him all that much (which was good because he wasn't very fun to look at).

that's not to say i haven't had MY OWN share of chicken-heads. ;-P

yeah...um...so that's about all folks. this moving in/living together thing should be quite interesting. it's been a while so i probably will have to be house-broken again, no big deal. i look forward to getting my vehicle back so that i don't have to rely on g so much for transport. not only that but with a car i can actually, you know... visit with my friends...and...work on weekends...and...drive up the coast...and...run errands when i want to...you know...the basic freedoms? i best get on that quickly or i think i might go mad after a while...

i don't want it to sound like i'm going to prison or anything. it's just that my perspective is a bit...how shall i say...

bitter

yes that's it. as bitter-cold as the north sea. there's this little part of me that pretty much believes that once domesticity has been established that's when all the fun goes out the window. it's that little part of me that thinks women lie and pretend just to sink their claws into you and drag you into "domestic bliss" until the end of time. it's that little part of me that still believes that NO ONE in the world could ever understand it. it's that evil little part of me that chews constantly at my insides...

that vicious little hungry bastard they call "doubt".

so i'm workin' through it. tryin' not to let it get into my head. but lately i've just been feelin' so...

...worthless...

...and ugly...

i just feel like my mojo just went and jumped out the window and ran off with some sexy dude in hollywood. two-timing bastard!

again it's that whole "doubt" issue. i need to work on that, it can be quite a bitch you know? it'll ruin everything if you let it.

so many people have said...

"you and g are like perfect together, i'm (we're) so happy for you!"

or

"we were wondering when you two were going to finally cohabitate, it'll be so great!"

for some reason this just terrifies me more. i guess i just don't want to build it up too much only to have it all fall apart. i'm trying to avoid over-idealizing it so that when the fires fade and the day-to-day sets in i won't be left wondering what happened to it all. i'm just used to the slow and gradual decay of it all, and i think that bitter little part of me pretty much expects it. pretty much expects that the things that brought us together in the first place will just sort of go away. expects that she'll become someone other than who i thought she was and start trying to change me into something she wants me to be. she'll stop playing videogames, she'll stop wanting to go out, she'll just want to stay home all the time, she'll lose interest in the "lifestyle" declaring that it was merely "expiremental" and that she no longer has any interest. that her days of exploration are over and she just wants to lead a happy and normal existence...

she'll nag and the arguing will start...then the unhappiness and regret...the doubt and remorse...until there is nothing but vacuum, and i'm right back where i started again...

gah!

happy thoughts! fuzzy puppies!

well, i best mosey...this entry has gotten a bit on the long side...

be good out there cyber-citizens!

~B-)

4:22 p.m. - 2003-10-02

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