stardustcboy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ...Attack of the \"A\" type personality... G'argh! here we go... the one minor problem with seeking the company and companionship of a strong and independant woman is that 99.99% of the time you're going to land an "A" type personality. you know the type. the one that freaks out when things aren't defined in a specific, rational, strategic/tactical fashion. the one that can't conceive of the notion "going with the flow". the one that attempts to control events and circumstances through micromanagement. in other words your stereotypical "stresser". good with the bad i suppose...in some ways i think that i gravitate towards those types of people simply because i myself am rather chaotic and non-chalant...in other words a "B" type personality on the verge of "C"... so when an "A" steps into the picture it throws off my equilibrium. despite the seemingly intuitive and chaotic nature of my being there is indeed a very assured method to my madness. such is the nature of things...yin and yang... *sigh* what can you do? i feel like i've been "on" for the past 4 months, and my energy levels are bottoming out. i'm easily irritated by the littlest things. i get snappy and grumpy and all i want to do is sleep and sleep some more. in fact, crawling under a rock sounds perfect right about now. but alas, there be a whirlwind of activity on the horizon as g prepares for the certain integration of her life with mine. this thought is rather terrifying and i am feeling a large amount of anxiety. she being the assertive and strong female, wants everything to move smoothly and doesn't want any last minute panic. this is understandable, but it leads to a whole lot of present-focused stressing and mania which wears on my nerves. over the weekend i managed to fix up my car, get new tires, replace the battery all for a very minimal cost. i can't tell you how absolutely wonderful it felt to drive my baby across town back to her rightful spot in the parking structure behind my apartment. ah me...it was as though i was making love for the first time. the purr of her engine as i sat idling at the stop lights...the growl as i accelerated...the smooth sliding of the stick-shift as i moved from 1st gear, to 2nd, to 3rd... like butter baby...like butter... it made the eventual streetlegal usage all the more sweeter, and moreover, only prompted me to try harder to get all the fines and other legalities done with sooner. but it will have to wait, the move is impending and g is sweatin'...we have to get everything out of her apartment this weekend including all the MASSIVE furniture that she owns. i plan on hiring movers to lug all that shit across town, up two flights of stairs and into my apartment. i wanted to get the carpet replaced before all that but it doesn't look like it's going to happen. so not only do i get to look forward to all the fun of moving...but i also get to look forward to moving shit around my apartment whilst crews tear up the carpet and put in new carpet in it's place...not only that, but i wanted to do some repainting as well, which will be made all the more fun when i have to work around a slew of new furniture and a carpeting crew. the upside is that once all this is done the apartment will look fabulous and i will be saving a grip of cash every month on rent which will only make getting the vehicle back online all the more attainable in the near future and above all it will be nice to have g around and not have to split my time between two places at once. this will allow me to work on my reel, finish up design documents i've been slowly hacking away at for the past few years and just enjoy the living space once again...heh...but i doubt that. all my married friends say the same shit and yet there they are day in and day out with nothing to show for it...just punchin' in time on the clock, collecting a check, and returning home with nary an ounce of creative energy left... g said the other night that she was worried about moving in with me. that a lot of people were nay-saying and such... "oh, you're moving in! greeeat...i guess the honeymoons over, eh?" *nudge nudge* or "oh man! don't do it, you'll ruin everything! you should just stay in your own places!" stuff like that (i'm paraphrasing, she wasn't too clear on what was said or by whom). sadly, i couldn't really offer her any comfort, though i tried. i've done this twice before and in both cases nothing came of it beside a certain level of woe and regret that his henceforth colored my view a bit negatively. but, i'm trying to not have any expectation of it. you know, just sort of feel it out and take it as it comes and not allow past experiences pollute my current situation. i think for it to be successful a certain amount of space and "quiet-time" is necessary for the both of us. you know, time to just chill on our own and stuff. as well as keeping open lines of communication and such. bah! what do i know? i'm obviously a two-time failure at this whole thing so i best just keep an open mind and try to do the best i can at keeping her comfortable and happy in our living situation. make the extra effort to keep things tidy and do my part around the house and stuff. either way i'm anxious and i enter this whole thing in good faith... anyway, i was going to write all about vegas trip and such but it seems so after-the-fact that i can barely motivate myself to chronicle it all...hm...maybe when i get the time to write next. right now i have lots of other things on my mind and i'm feelin' rather tired. be good out there lil cyber-friends...until next time... ciao ~B-) 6:29 p.m. - 2003-09-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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