stardustcboy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ...And the Answer is... ah me... well it seems that the answer was along the lines of SCENARIO 1a...but without the horrible STD part. probably a little under a year or so ago my dear JeLLy had a tryst with a gentleman named Michael. it seems that after this interlude, she vowed to never do it again and swept the entire thing under the rug. looking back, i now have a deeper understanding of this entry. "fight or flight" she called it. it seems that this was sparked by a random act of fate last evening. it seems that as she was out at the market procuring chicken soup for your sick narrator, she just happened to run into her past flame. after a brief exchange, she came home to me... needless to say, i was prepared for the worst; and when she confessed her betrayal to me, i wasn't in the least bit surprised nor upset...i had just enough time to inject a little anesthetic agent into my little heart. in the end, it is all water under the bridge. there isn't much i can do or say at this point, save to forgive and forget. there is a part of me that wonders... why? what did he have that i didn't? money? a great body? an elephantine cock? great lips? a sparkling personality? charm? charisma? sexual magnetism? a sharp mind? what did i do to drive her into the arms of another man? was i not caring enough? did i not provide to her all that she desired and needed? am i unattractive? a lousy lay? how long did she know him before? how long did she plot and plan? was it a whim? an ongoing online thing? where did they do it? at her apartment? in her bed (now MY bed)? at his place? a seedy motel? the ritz-carlton? how big was he? how long did he last? did they go all night? just once? did she cum? did she suck his cock? was her mouth on another man? did that same mouth touch mine own just moments, hours after? aaah...but alas, these are useless, negative, and possibly destructive ponderances. it was her reason and her reason alone...her experience. whatever it may have been. she herself said that it was a sort of "flight" response...an act of sabotage... all that can be done is to let it go. admittedly there is a sting. her ultimatum long ago brought me to reign in my old ways...to let go the others...i have been nothing but loyal and faithful for the past 2 years hence. no doubt i feel a faint sense of slight. i cannot however let this rule me, for it will breed not but resentment and distrust. there is a part of me that desires vindication...a part of me that would seek to cut her in the same way...to test her faith...her love... but that has all been done...and this overall is but an act of kharma visited upon me by an agent...in this case my beloved... for let there be no doubt, that in the beginning, i had my share...of both secrets and lovers... to a new day my dear friends! FFF! ~B-) 12:46 p.m. - 2004-06-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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