stardustcboy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ...almost a rant but it turns out to be about LOVE instead... whew! hey everyone! i must apologize for that last entry...i don't know what came over me! oh yeah, now i remember... sudden flash of misanthropy. it's done now, though i still hate politics and moreover, i still think it's all a load of steamin' hot bullshit. anyway, where was i? ah yes... the not-so-alternative lifestyles. eh, you know what? i'm gonna' put it off again! hahaha! gotcha! i know, i know...you've all been just DYIN' to see what i write about. well, you're just gonna' hafta' wait. in all honesty i feel like i could rant about some more things that have been really bugging me lately. but i really don't want to exert the energy in all that negative spewing. instead, i'll just say hello to everyone and say that life is goin' pretty swell. just pluggin' along. i often wonder if anyone from that swinging date site g and i use views this thing on a regular basis? i know of at least ONE couple who's read it...well...the sex club part at least...any more? if so ya'll better get off your lazy fingers and click on the "sign my guestbook" link in the upper corner over yonder and say howdy. for cryin' out loud if you're gonna' go pokin' around in my deepest thoughts and desires you best at least make yourselves known...even if it is with a secret identity or something. anyway, lookin' forward to the PiMp'N'Ho ball in vegas at the end of the month. my cousin is flying out from NYC this coming thursday and will be joining us in our adventure to the city of sin. though i don't think he'll be pimpin' and hoin' with us. i think i'll throw a big rager next thursday night to welcome him out to cali and show him how it's REALLY done! fuck all those nay-sayers who constantly bitch and gripe about how horrible cali is. they don't know jack shit...and most likely (i'd say about 90% of the time) they're just pathetic disgruntled actors/artist/musicians who were to shitty and/or weak to make it out here in this viscious fuckin' place. not me though! oh yes! you dear narrator has weathered the worst of LA and has come out virtually unscathed! hahahaha! i laugh in the face of LA! hahahaha! so run away all you little pansies and go home to iowa or minnesota or wisconsin or whereverthefuck and talk all the trash you want about how evil people in LA are and how horrible it is to live out here and wah wah wah...but i know for a fact that there are some seriously cool peeps out here and THANK GOD i was lucky enough to find 'em! maybe that's your problem, eh? you never got to meet me? well, too bad, cuz now you're stuck reading my journal wondering just how much fun you might have had had you just hung out a bit longer and waited. oh well. have fun in wisconsin! hahahaha! ahem anyway, that was another sort of rant...man, what's my problem? i guess i'm just getting more and more tired of putting up with the goddamn stupid shit that people do/say. jeez, i tell you i just don't get why people make their lives so much harder and more complicated. it's not necessary folks! gah there i go again. let's see...OH YEAH! g is movin' in at the end of september! yep, that's right kiddies, my girlie is movin' in with me. what's this mean for the fun and fancy free stardustcboy? you might ask? well, my dear cyber-kids it means absolutely nothing...save for the fact that one of my most coolest, dearest, most trusted friends will now be living with me in the same house. can't complain too much about that! it'll sure make money matters much easier to deal with, and we won't have to go driving all over the place just to hang with each other. the deal is we do it for a year, and if all is well at the end of that year we go full on and plan for marraige. you heard me right my friends. i said it. the "m" word. marraige. i find that i actually have a fairly easy time relating marraige with g. comes rather naturally really. so this is already a good thing, no? not only that, but i feel fully confident in the set timeline. one year and we're goin' balls out...or we find our own places. this by no means that is the end of our relationship, it just means that we're not ready for marraige so we'll keep on livin' alone. but i have faith and confidence. there's lots i need to do though to make it good for her. you know i'm pretty sloppy boy and all, and i could be a lot better at cleaning up and cooking dinner and stuff. so i'll make a point to focus on my "problem areas" so that her life is happy and good and we won't fight as much. cuz i hate fighting...well...i hate yelling. goin' rockem' sockem' is another thing entirely...mmm...that's a whole other diary entry... anyway, i feel real positive about this whole deal, and i think that it will be just another step in enriching our lives together. call me crazy, but...hey...i'm a dreamer in the end... we've got a great thing goin' me and g. we seem to just enjoy all of life together. moreover, it seems that everything in life is so much more enjoyable when i'm enjoying it with g. get it? i think a lot of people miss the point about love alltogether. ms. rumblelizard was just writin' about it in her diary. she thinks boys are rotten and are "more trouble than they are worth". well, in some ways she has a right to that. i mean, it seems her last relationship was pretty lame and he pretty much stomped on her beautiful little heart, BUT HEY! these sorts of things go away in time. some people would theorize that it takes an amount of time equal to the amount of time spent in relationship to get over said relationship. others would say half the time. others just jump from one to another to another to another ad infinitum...like my ex girlfriend for example...gah...THAT'S a whole other entry too... in either case, the real formula for getting over a relationship is simple... TAKE AS LONG AS YOU NEED there, isn't that easy? of course, be reasonable. no use spending days and days and days...even weeks...months...pining over some guy you fucked a couple of times. that isn't love. also, don't shut yourself out for years and years (equal to time spent in relationship) simply because you're too chicken shit to get out and start meeting people. BUYING MORE AND MORE DOGS/CATS/BIRDS/ETC. IS NOT THE ANSWER. you really do need human contact...moreover...you need SEXUAL contact. it's part of our nature as human beings. for cryin' out loud GO OUT AND GET LAID EVERY NOW AND AGAIN. but let's not make a dangerous habit of it shall we? also, please please PLEASE don't confuse a really mind-altering orgasm for love. it's poor judgement. just cuz some dude (or girl) makes you cum harder than you've ever cum before with just their mouth (or other appendage) doesn't mean they're your "soul mate". oH! that leads me to my other point. GET OVER THE IDEA OF A SOUL MATE. it's useless. you'll be chasing your tail all your life looking for the one true one, never realizing that there's opportunity all around you. also, let's just get this straight once and for all. LOVE IS ABOUT RISK deal with it okay. sometimes you'll love and it won't be returned. sometimes you'll be loved and you won't return it. this is the way of things. eventually there will be a time and a place and person that will love you and that you will love. but again, there are plenty of times and places and people so even when you find one it doesn't mean it was "destiny" or it was "meant to be" or that they're your "soul mate". it just means you've found a really awesome person to go on adventures all your life with...conceivably until you die. but let's avoid all the pressure and expectation and just focus on the moment. you risk it. and what is life without risk anyway? it's fuckin' boring is what it is. *yawn* take a chance and go outside for cryin' out loud. nothing ventured, nothing gained...or so the saying goes. point is, if you just want to fuck and get off, be up front about it. there's plenty of horny ladies and gentlemen out there in the world. let's all do each other a favor and just agree to get it on shall we? i mean, give someone a chance. you never know, the sex may be magical. in the end you both agree that that's what it was and nothing more, right. bygones. so be like, "hey thanks for fuckin' the brains out of me it felt great (or okay depending) don't worry about calling or anything, no hard feelings." sure, sure. "that's so callous" you might say. but hey, you gotta' be up front from the beginning with people mkay? honesty. let's see, where was i? i stepped out for a smoke... ah yes...love. the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket is not the point of this little essay. no, no, no. what i'm talkin' about is real genuine love. how many of you think you've felt it before? raise you hands... mkay... and how many of you are still in love? show of hands? mkay... you see, i bet the first person you fell in love with wasn't your last, am i right? gotcha'. let me just take the time to point out all the things i've learned that love IS...and all the things that i've learned that love ISN'T... love is... THE CLOSEST THING TO DIVINITY ON EARTH. it is... compassion forgiveness understanding creation nurturing beautiful exhilirating terrifying more fun than a barrel of monkeys rain shine eternal without boundary without expectation family friends adventure romance fun fortune giving generous reciprocative (is that even a word?) faithful honest endearing gentle yeilding serene supportive hopeful LOVE IS LIKE GOD, IT MEANS MANY DIFFERENT THINGS TO MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE; BUT NO MATTER WHAT AND NO MATTER WHO IT IS ALWAYS A REASON TO KEEP ON LIVING. to use another analogy... LOVE IS A BANQUET BETWEEN THE PEOPLE WHO SHARE IT. EACH PERSON BRINGS SOMETHING TO THE TABLE. WHEN DINING, YOU WANT SOMETHING THAT NURTURES THE BODY, SOUL AND MIND AND HELPS YOU GROW HEALTHY AND STRONG. using that analogy then... WHEN DINING WITH YOUR LOVED ONE, WHAT DO YOU BRING TO THE TABLE? IS IT NURTURING, HEALTHY, DESIRABLE, AND TASTY? CONVERSELY, DOES YOU LOVED ONE BRING TO THE TABLE FOOD THAT MAKES YOU FEEL HEALTHY, DESIRABLE, NURTURED/ING, AND IS TASTY? you see, you MUST remember that love is ALWAYS about reciprocity. what you put in, should ALWAYS be what your receive back. if it isn't, then you should be able to ask for it without fear of reprimand, ridicule, judgement or abuse. if you're in a relationship, and NONE OF THE ABOVE applies...then i HIGHLY recommend that you reconsider whether you are IN LOVE or just hanging on to someone out of loneliness and self-doubt. if you're in a relationship and some or all applies, then good for you because you are at least on the right track. but don't count your chickens before they're hatched my dear friends because above all you MUST KNOW... THAT PEOPLE CHANGE. this is vital. people just change, and thus, their lives change, the people IN their lives change. YOU CHANGE. real love will grow and change and adapt to all those involved. it will enrich each step in ones spiritual/mental evolution. it will bind despite turbulent times and uncertainty...and more often than not... you will find that LOVE CHANGES YOU...not only that...love changes you FOR THE BETTER. if you change and the person you love doesn't, it is simply that you are moving on different paths and that your love can no longer grow together. does it mean that you were wrong in loving? does it mean that the person who loved you was lying the whole time? NO. it means that you (or the other person) has changed and that despite the love you feel it was not binding enough to adapt to that change. no more, no less. just as some seeds are strong enough to take root, and some saplings are strong enough to grow into mighty, venerable trees, so too is love. some love is strong enough to take root, some is strong enough to grow into mighty and venerable entities that are beyond time and space. so you see my friends, such is what i know of love. of course, i'm just a lil human, on a lil world spinning in the void. but i can say for certain that all my life i have been surrounded by love and i know it well. sadly, not many can say the same, so i'm writing this to tell you what i've seen. lastly, let me tell what love IS NOT... love is not... proud greedy judgemental violent angry spiteful narrow cruel viscious sexual domineering controlling vengeful regretful destructive selfish dishonest deceitful one-sided negative loathing short-sighted boring envious material narrow-minded abusive ah! i heard you say "sexual? but love has everything to do with sex!" no, no, no, no, NO! it has nothing to do with it. if that were the case you'd be screwin' your mom and dad and sister and friend and everything else you loved...teddybear...favorite red dress... i digress. point is that sex has absolutely NOTHING to do with love and EVERYTHING to do with procreation. obviously, looking at the world around you, there are plenty of people who have acheived the latter without the former and the former without the latter, get it? good. what i'm saying is, really amazing mind-altering/life-altering sex is a SYMPTOM of a really profound mind-altering/life-altering LOVE. not the other way around. note: SYMPTOM symptom being a visible result of some process...like a disease...cough is a symptom of a virus attacking your lungs or whatever. make sense? mmmkay...so that wasn't the best analogy... how's this... you have really amazing sex when you are in love because you feel all the above-listed words associated with what LOVE IS...and not with what LOVE IS NOT. anyway, i could go on forever about this stuff. you do with it what you will. it's just my simple observation. anyway, i've got like twenty-million people at my desk telling me it's time to go so i best run along. suck on some of that lil words to the wise and see what YOU come up with... until next time cyber-friends...be good to yourselves and the ones you love... ciao! ~B-) 6:41 p.m. - 2003-08-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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